NO SPELLS AT THE DINNER TABLE!

C'mon, Daddy. I can skip a bath tonight.

Michael and Allison, like many children, sometimes have difficulty demonstrating ideal behavior at the dinner table.  We feel it's important to impart on them the basic rules of civility, not because we think they're someday going to be invited to have tea with the queen, but more to save ourselves embarrassment should we find ourselves in some sort of semi-formal dining situation with all of the kids in tow.  Right now, we try to avoid those situations, because the twins like to fling their food on the floor, or better yet, mash food into the hair and yell, "HAT!" When this happens, my husband and I look at each other and calmly debate whether they need to be bathed that night. "You think she needs a bath? Her hair's only a little crusty, it's not noticeable..."



We make them sweep up after themselves. 

At this point, in all honesty, the physical mess isn't really the most exhausting part of dinner. A few swipes with a wet cloth, which may or may not have been used to wipe the floor earlier in the day, is really all you need to get the little ones clean enough to haul to the bathroom to hose them down.  That's all just physical exhaustion.  That's not nearly as bad as the mental exhaustion of trying to keep up with the older childrens' antics.





 Despite our best efforts, or perhaps as a result of our best efforts, we often find ourselves yelling things like:

      Please use your utensils!
      Do you not have a napkin?
      Your seat needs to be in contact with your seat!
      No dark curses at the dinner table!

                 and finally,

      NO SPELLS AT THE DINNER TABLE!

The kids recently went through a Harry Potter phase, and were doing things like waving a knife and yelling, "Accio ketchup!" and "Accio napkin!" Never mind that the spells resulted in them actually getting their ketchup and napkins (if your kid asks for a napkin at the dinner table, you hop right to it, believe me).  From their point of view, "But Mom, the spell works!  I have my napkin don't I?"
Let me reiterate. NO SPELLS AT THE DINNER TABLE!
I wanted them to practice their pleases and thank-yous, after all.

Master Potter himself, and Princess Hermione.

This scenario, which has happened more than once, generally evolves into them trying to get through the rest of dinner with an accent.  They start with British, which then morphs into Australian, Scottish, and Italian.  Yes, of course it's difficult to keep a straight face, especially since Allison's accents are indistinguishable from one another, and Michael's British accent, as one British friend put it, is pure rubbish.  Maybe if I wasn't trying to glare at them, or at their father, who often joins in, I wouldn't be so mentally exhausted. Maybe next time, I'll just let them practice unfettered, just in case they do get invited to tea with the queen.  I'm sure she'll appreciate their rubbish.